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Hornswaggle is an alternate spelling of hornswoggle, an archaic word that means to bamboozle or hoodwink. I take my pronunciation from the late Harvey Korman in "Blazing Saddles" -- "I want rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, conmen, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswagglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass kickers, shit kickers and Methodists!" |
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Wednesday, April 28, 2004Supreme Court Justice Antonin "Doo Doo Face" Scalia is breaking it down for us in the hearing on whether ol' Dick Cheney ought to let us know with whom his Energy Task Force met while drawing up the plan for American energy policy.The administration has cited executive privilege in refusing to turn over a list and Scalia, apparently, agrees. Here's an excerpt of what he had to say from this AP story: ' "I think executive privilege means whenever the president feels that he is threatened, he can simply refuse to comply with a court order," Scalia told Morrison in one exchange. "He has the power … to say, 'No, this intrudes too much upon my powers. I will not do it.' " The justice added that the president should not even be forced to fight the issue before a judge. ' "If you view executive privilege that way, forcing [Bush] to assert executive privilege is really pushing things to an extreme that should not very often occur in this republic," Scalia said.' Let me see if I can sort through all the fancy legalese. Whenever a president feels threatened, he can refuse to comply with a court order? In any case where a political opponent threatens the power of a president, he can simply flout the law of the land? It's a nuanced position. It's a strong position. But let me ask you this, Mr. Scalia. What if the president is like the sweaty, chain-smoking businessman played by Martin Short on "Saturday Night Live," who was known to say, "I'm not being defensive. You're the one being defensive." Then you might run into a problem, if your president felt constantly threatened. Something to ponder, Antonin. .: posted by hornswaggler 1:24 PM| Are you the epitome of what's wrong with the educated members of our society? Are the worms already coursing through the corpse that is your soul? Gotta love the "news" at the MSN homepage. .: posted by hornswaggler 12:39 PM| That's awesome. .: posted by hornswaggler 12:38 PM| Monday, April 26, 2004John O'Neill and the Definition of 'War Hero'The question I'd like to see the media address is, who is John O'Neill, the man who accused John Kerry of not having been wounded enough in Vietnam. What does he do and how does he vote? O'Neill said a lot of things about Kerry, and according to this article the two have a history together, but the tidbit that made headlines was that Kerry was not a war hero and wasn't fit to soap the testicles of some of the men in Coastal Division 11. How can you accuse a man of not having been wounded enough? The goal of every soldier is, to the extent it is possible in carrying out one's duties, to avoid being wounded and killed. What's next? I supppose we should run a cadaver for president. "See how brave Emeril P. Murphy was? He's dead! But he ... has ... character." John Kerry volunteered to go to Vietnam, served his stint, then volunteered to go back. He was wounded in the line of duty. Quibbling about whether Kerry qualifies as a war hero is petty. Clearly, it's understood that others in the military have paid greater prices and performed more admirably than did John Kerry. But compared to George W. Bush, Kerry is Sgt. Rock. We're working on a relative scale here. .: posted by hornswaggler 2:32 PM| Draft Wrap-Up I'm looking forward to hating Eli Manning, now that he's with our division rival, the New York Giants. With his pedigree and measurable skills, it's doubtful he'll be failure, but I do wish upon him the utmost mediocrity. Did you see him pouting after he was selected by the Chargers? What a puss. Is that the demeanor of someone who's going to step into a huddle of professional athletes and be their leader? I can't wait until Jevon Kearse smears him into the turf. As far as the Eagles are concerned, I was completely surprised by the selection of Shawn Andrews and a more than a little taken aback by the price we paid to move up and get him (second round pick), when linebackers and wide receivers were rife among the players left in the second round. However, if Andrews turns out to be a Larry Allen clone, then the price will have been well worth it, when you consider that dominating the line of scrimmage physically is the basis for any championship football team. I like the selection of Bruce Perry in the 7th round. I hadn't even really heard of him, but, looking at what he did in 2001 before he was plagued by injuries in '02 and '03, he'll be a nice addition to our running back corps if he stays healthy. As far as John Welbourne is concerned, what really interests me is finding out what he said on WIP radio. I'd like someone at the Philadelphia Inquirer to get a transcript of what he said. Surely we can't rely on party member Dave Spadaro to do that job. Welbourne is good offensive lineman, not great, and Andrews will be an upgrade over him. Our depth along the line is solid, so losing Welbourne isn't that significant, in my opinion. We picked up a good fullback prospect with one of the picks we got from the Chiefs for him and, if Welbourne plays 50 percent of the Chiefs' snaps next year, we get a third rounder in '05, which isn't too shabby. But I am interested in what Welbourne had to say. It's not going to be good if the Eagles develop a reputation as some kind of front office "Evil Empire." All clubs experience similar strife. The Patriots last year cut Lawyer Milloy, Tom Brady's buddy and a team leader, and came out flat in the opening game against the club Milloy went to, the Buffalo Bills, and were crushed like 28-0, then went on to win the Super Bowl. And now this year Ty Law, who was a man possessed for them in the postseason, is griping. The bottom line is that, in the salary cap era, which has resulted in the NFL's being the league among all professional sports with the most parity and open competition, successful teams that manage the cap skillfully will every year make cold-hearted decisions that cause rancor among the affected players. Very few players, like Donovan McNabb for instance, earn an exemption from that cold process, sign $70 million contracts and receive immunity from front office penny pinching. But McNabb too will one day find himself in the position, when he's 34 say, when his skills no longer match the dollars on his contract. Third round selection Matt Ware, the corner/safety out of UCLA, is the only draft choice who can be expected to come in and compete for significant playing time on the defensive side of the ball, barring any unforeseen circumstances due to injury. So that means the Eagles feel a defense that consists of -- DE Jerome McDougle, DT Corey Simon, DT Darwin Walker, DE Jevon Kearse, LB Nate Wayne, LB Mark Simoneau, LB Dhani Jones, CB Sheldon Brown, FS Brian Dawkins, SS Michael Lewis and CB Lito Sheppard -- is good enough to win with which to win a Super Bowl title. Subs you'd expect to see some playing time include DE N.D. Kalu, DE Derrick Burgess, DT Paul Grasmanis, DT Hollis Thomas, DT Sam Rayburn, LB Ike Reese, CB Matt Ware, CB Roderick Hood, and maybe one or two of our safeties, including rookie J.R. Reed. The fact that the Eagles didn't select a receiver means they feel they are set at their skill positions. If the Eagles do what I expect them to do, there will be a rigged competition for the starting outside receiver position opposite Terrell Owens between last year's slot receiver Freddie Mitchell and NFC Championship Game bungler Todd Pinkston, with Pinkston winning the job and Mitchell staying in the slot. If the competition is truly open, then I do not see a scenario in which Pinkston beats Mitchell out. Since Pinkston can't play in the slot, he would be an extremely well paid fourth receiver who come in on passing downs, while either Billy McMullen or Greg Lewis will start in the slot. It's always possible that Pinkston will enter this season markedly improved and that he'll benefit from the example that Owens sets and the attention he'll get from opposing defenses. And Pinkston could benefit from the league's decision to prevent DB's from holding, kind of like munchkin Ricky Manning Jr. held Pinkston in said NFC Championship game debacle. This is the year we see whether Pinkston has hit his ceiling. .: posted by hornswaggler 1:54 PM| Friday, April 23, 2004Dear New Zealand,I just wanted to give you a heads up that, contingent upon certain events in November of this year, a lot of us may be coming down and crashing out on your proverbial couch for a little while. Don't worry, we're not going to be much of a nuisance. We'll clean up after ourselves, keep our noses mostly clean. You see, luckily, it's the ugly Americans who will be most inclined to stay in the United States if George W. Bush is reelected as President. We're the ones who read books, can hold two ideas in our head at the same time, that type of thing. I can safely say there will not be an increase in people wearing Green Bay Packers jackets lumbering in bovine clusters around your most cherished architectural treasures. As far as I can make out, you don't really have any of them anyway, so good news on that front. From watching "Lord of the Rings," I really like those high alpine plains that Aragorn and Legolas always seemed to be running across. Maybe we'll set up camp there, if that's cool. Again, small footprint is our motto. When we leave in 2008, you won't even know that we'd been there. If, God forbid, Jeb Bush is elected in '08, well, then we'll talk about renogiating our lease. But we'll cross that tarn when we come to it. In conclusion, you guys have a good set-up down there. You don't bother anyone and no one bothers you. You speak English when you're not honoring the language of the aborgines who originally settled your islands. You've got a sweet Mediterranean climate and the great outdoors. Up until now, one thing you didn't have was explosive population growth. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that's probably going to change. But as I said, we'll be good neighbors. I look forward to meeting you all very soon. Sincerely, Aaron Kinney, Not So Optimistic American Liberal .: posted by hornswaggler 1:29 PM| Wednesday, April 21, 2004Eagles Draft PreviewI'm thinking ... maybe one or two of you out there are somewhat interested in reading this and the rest of you, who number anywhere from 6 - (there doesn't seem to be the sign for infinity on this keyboard) are going to sigh in frustration and surf on to ratemycock.com. Dave Spadaro, who does the Philadelphia Eagles website and who writes like this -- "Hey, gang! Who's excited for the upcoming season? I am. I think we're going to win it all this year! Yeah! Oh, we lost again in NFC Championship Game? Darn. Well, I'm not going to get to down in the dumps about it. In fact, I'm already over it and moving on to next year, and you should too. We lost again? Oh, well, next year's looking swell! We lost again? Ha ha! No problem. I'm just going to keep a happy face on, then go home and beat my wife. Where's my whiskey, woman?!" -- is smoking crack again. Here's the link to his list of this year's draft needs. (I don't think he beats his wife by the way, he seems like a very nice guy.) He rates cornerback as our number one need and after that, inexplicably, halfback. Nowhere does he list defensive line as a need. I need to set him straight. The Eagles need to add a corner, absolutely, but they also need to add to their defensive line, add explosiveness to their linebackers, add depth on the offensive line and add a young wide receiver. If the Birds stand pat at the 28th overall selection in the first round, they might just go with a best available player mentality. If RB Kevin Jones is there, that would be great selection. But that doesn't mean that a starting running back is a major need. They'd be served just as well taking someone in the third or fourth round like Quincy Wilson, the bruiser from West Virginia, or Michael "The Burner" Turner from Illinois. The idea of three running backs splitting time is stupid. Correll Buckhalter ought to be the starter, with Westbrook getting major touches every game. A third running back is insurance in case of injury. I've seen widespread criticism of Buckhalter. I thought that he just didn't play enough last year. When Reid, who leaned heavily last year on the experience of our beloved Duce Staley, put Buckhalter on the field, he performed. Meanwhile, Spadaro seems to think that the Eagles ought to return to the three-headed running back approach, which does not allow for any of the three backs to get into rhythm, or allows a talented player to languish on the bench. Spadaro knows Andy Reid's philosophy and there's no point in sitting back and pontificating on what the Eagles ought to do if you've been around the Eagles' organization and you know they're not going to do it. Nonetheless, I think many Eagles fans are taking the signing of Terrell Owens as a sign that Reid is breaking from some of the theories that have defined his approach over the past few years, the triumvirate RB attack among them. At wide receiver, the Eagles did the smart thing in trimming away one of their starters from last year, James Thrash, but they would have been better off letting go of Todd Pinkston. The reason is that Thrash is more versatile: he can line up on the outside or in the slot and he can add value on special teams by returning kicks. Pinkston can do none of these things. Freddie Mitchell, who is a better competitor than Pinkston, ought to be given the opportunity to compete with Pinkston for the starting outside position opposite Terrell Owens. But if Mitchell were to win that competition, the Eagles would find themselves in a quandry. Since Pinkston can't play in the slot, they'd wind up with a player they've sunk a long-term contract into sitting on the bench. Cutting Pinkston doesn't work, because it violates one of the primary tenets that have put the Eagles among the elite NFL franchises, avoiding dead cap space at all costs. In other words, they'd wind up having millions of dollars counting against the salary cap on a player no longer on the roster. The Eagles might frankly be best off trading Pinkston to another team for a fourth-round pick or something in that range. Then you start Mitchell and put either big Billy McMullen or litte, fast Greg Lewis in the slot, and draft one of the plethora of wide receivers in this year's draft to develop. Linebacker is a position where the Eagles need an infusion of talent. Mark Simoneau, Dhani Jones and Nate Wayne are all good but unspectacular players. Somewhere in the draft the Birds need to add a player who heats up the competition at that position. When there was speculation that the Eagles were thinking of moving up to the 16th position in the first round, two of the players I thought they might be looking at, if the rumor were true, were D.J. Williams and Jonathon Vilma of Miami, both of whom would add major spice to the linebacker position and instantly upgrade the athleticism in that group. Defensive line. The player I really thought the Eagles might be looking at in the rumored move up to 16 was Will Smith, the DE out of Ohio State. He would be a potential steal if he slid that far, a beast with speed and power. As of now, the only upgrade the Eagles have made to a defensive line that last year was humiliated against the opposition's running attack is Jevon Kearse, a great player with a history of injuries. If he goes out with an injury, the Eagles are in trouble. Third-year end Derrick Burgess can no longer be counted on for anything. I wish him all the best, and I hope the young man recovers to have an excellent career in an Eagles' uniform, but to count on a player who had a surprisingly decent rookie year and then sat out two consecutive years with major leg injuries would be absolute folly. Jamaal Green, the second-year guy from Miami, is utterly unproven. And I have major doubts about Jerome McDougle, the other Miami DE the Eagles picked last year. Even though his slow start in his rookie year is largely attributable to a host of injuries, I am beginning to pick up a whiff of bust from the player for whom the Eagles traded up to the 15th overall selection to take. Physically, he seems unspectacular and in the ESPN highlight clips I saw of him, I never once saw a play that made me sit up and pay attention. Is it possible that -- surrounded by such studs as safety Sean Taylor (projected to go #5 overall on Saturday), tackle Vincent Wilfork (expected to go top 15 overall), D.J. Williams and Jonathon Vilma -- McDougle was buoyed by the play of his teammates, who soaked up double teams and made him look better? I hope I'm wrong. But I think that, if Kearse goes down, the Birds would be in big trouble against the run once again. Adding a monster like Will Smith to play opposite him at DE would be a strong play. At the very least I'd look for a later round addition to the defensive line. At corner, the Eagles need depth, since Lito Sheppard and Sheldon Brown ought to be capable starters, and I think they ought to go with a best player available approach. If, when they select at #28, a Derrick Strait from Oklahoma is there, I would not knock that selection. I do hear that cornerback is a deep position this year, however. Same best-player-available approach goes for interior offensive line. If Vernon Carey from Miami is there at #28, I can't really argue with that. But I could also see the Eagles waiting until later to deal with depth at that position. Of course, I wouldn't mind seeing the Eagles take WR Lee Evans or Rashaun Woods (one of my coveted players in this year's draft) at that spot, because skill players like that are always the sexier pick, but that's why it's not easy being a GM. If I were a GM my team would probably have six stud receivers and a bunch of club-footed mealsacks on the offensive line. Seacrest. Out. .: posted by hornswaggler 2:19 PM| Monday, April 19, 2004George W: The rich, privileged WASP Condi always dreamed ofAtrios links to an interesting story about how Condoleezza Rice, at a media dinner, slipped and said about George W. Bush, "As I was telling my husb--," then corrected herself and said, "As I was telling President Bush." Quickly, go to Eschaton and scroll down to the (unrelated) photograph that Atrios posted alongside the quote. While Bush is either whispering in Condi's ear or giving her a polite peck on the cheek, she appears to be swooning. No one is saying those two are having an affair. But I've thought for a long time, and if my links were working I could go back and find a post, that Rice has crush on Bush (that is doomed to be unrequited). It all started when I read that Rice views Bush with something akin to awe, that she looks up to and admires him in a way that actual heroes -- such as Martin Luther King, Bob Dylan, Chuck Yeager and President David Palmer, for example -- often inspire. See, if you regard George W. Bush with reverence -- I'm not saying if you support him or voted for him or think the war in Iraq was a good idea -- I'm saying if you regard him with awe, you are fucking loony toons, and I will go through on a case by case basis and prove this to be correct. Line 'em up! And I'll go through one by one and determine the pathology that has led you to this faulty conclusion. I am always highly skeptical of black Republicans. And it's worse if, like Condi, you're a female black Republican. This is the party that fought the advancement of your rights tooth and nail, a party that espouses policies that negatively affect your fellow blacks at every turn* and you're going to say, "Sign me up"? I don't fucking think so. Condi came from a family that raised itself up and provided her with the disciplined background that allowed her, through hard work, to assert her natural talents and succeed at the highest level. So she figures everyone else ought to be able to do the same thing. But what if your parents were alcoholics and beat you? I'm going to get into it. This line of thinking is so faulty, I can't get into it right now. Anyway, Rice's hero worship of Bush is precisely the thing that exposes the irrationality of her belonging to the club of the Republican Party. George W. Bush isn't a hero! He's been given everything. She doesn't want merely to succeed to the highest degree on the level playing field. She wants, perhaps unconsciously, to become or associate herself with the elite for whom the field is tilted. The apotheosis of her climbing from nothing to the highest levels of political power would not be to take her example of success and make it possible for everyone else, to try to improve the American democracy as other black heroes have done, but rather to join or merge with or marry into the elite that try to thwart that progress, to move among and become the monied few who have rigged the system. So, in conclusion, that is why I dislike Condoleezza Rice. *Have you seen "Unprecedented," the documentary about the Florida election debacle? Purging (mostly black) felons from the voter rolls, while intentionally setting the net as wide as possible to catch as many "false positives" as possible? What about, and this wasn't in the film, setting up roadblocks on election day in black areas? What about old Strom Thurmond and his legendary filibuster against civil rights? But that's not still happening today, you say? Then you don't read the news. Remember Trent Lott being stripped of his Senate Majority Leader badge for his, uh, questionable remarks at Strom's birthday party? What about, as I mentioned the other day, environmental justice, how blacks and Latinos wind up in inordinate numbers living near toxic sites because they have neither the money to move away nor the political muscle to do anything about it? What about affirmative action? Clearly hundreds of years of slavery and another hundred years from 1865 to 1964 of oppression ought to be compensated for somehow? What about GOP tax policies that seek to increase the tax burden on the working and middle classes? The list goes on and on and on. .: posted by hornswaggler 1:50 PM| Saudis to Fix Presidential Election? BY FAR, by far the biggest revelation to come out of Bob Woodward's interview last night on "60 Minutes" (which is becoming quite a book promotion outfit), was the allegation that the Saudis have agreed to drop oil prices (or increase production; same thing) prior to the November presidential election in order to give the economy, and President Bush, a much-needed boost. Before any of you skeptics dismiss this idea, there's two things. One, have you investigated the relationship between the Saudis and Bushes? I'm reading "House of Bush, House of Saud" right now and ... wow, let me tell you something. These "books" really contain a lot of information! Who knew? I recommend it. Two, research indicates the chances of an incumbent president always hinge upon one overriding factor: the strength of the economy. Furthermore, if the electorate feels good about the economy, it doesn't matter if guano is raining from the sky. If the economy is strong, the sitting president will be reelected, period. All other factors drop away. .: posted by hornswaggler 1:38 PM| Friday, April 16, 2004Vietnam, Krugman and Morphic ResonanceToot, toot! That's me, blowing my own horn. Later, I'll perform oral sex on myself. No, no. I kid. But if you read Paul Krugman's column today in The New York Times, you may have noticed that, in a piece devoted to the Iraq-Vietnam comparison, he made two points that I made yesterday on this very blog. See? I'm plugged in, baby. Get tomorrow's Krugman today right here. Krugman wrote: "It's a measure of how badly things have gone that now we're told we can't leave because that would be a demonstration of American weakness. Again, the parallel with Vietnam is obvious. Remember the domino theory?" I do. I referenced it yesterday, but in a slightly different sense. Namely, the fear back then was that once one country fell to communism, other countries would follow. The president and all his cronies are making an argument today that amounts to a kind of reverse or "good" domino theory: Once Iraq is democratic, it will spark a democratic movement in the Middle East. The basis for Bush's theory is "hope," his religious faith, and the message he deciphered with the magic decoder ring he found in his Fruity Pebbles. Krugman uses it in the sense that, according to proponents of the theory, failure in Vietnam would have been a show of American military weakness and led to failure elsewhere against communist expansion. I'm not sure which definition is right. Perhaps both are. I suppose I could google it. Bah, no time. Krugman also wrote, in the column's final sentence: "On Tuesday George Bush did a meta-Nixon: he declared that anyone who draws analogies between Iraq and Vietnam undermines the soldiers and encourages the enemy." I too noticed Bush's pat admonition to all the naughties simpering in press row, fidgeting with their blasted press badges, and their pens and pathetic little notepads, their quaint tape recorders and blinking cameras, and their 4.0 GPA's. Krugger, you and me, baby. The Apprentice Finale The live segment of "The "Apprentice" finale last night was lame, utter cheese. Whoever produced it ought to find him- or herself on the business end of a to-me-to-you-and-down jabbing hand gesture and the words, "you're fired." Omarosa. Caught in more bald-faced lies, she also put on a vivid display of her incompetence. I want to write an article about the organization that is going to hire her, because someone will, and ask their spokespeople what the hell they were thinking. A mendacious, malingering, incompetent bitch. Let's bring her onboard. And don't any of you writers out there steal my idea. In the immortal words of Daniel Day Lewis, "I will find you!" Dilettante Psychology When assessing the pathology of Omarosa, I cannot escape the conclusion that her flawed thinking and her basest behavior are tied up with her racial identity. She said on more than one occasion that people were afraid of a "strong black woman," this being her way of rationalizing the effects her antagonizing behavior have on other people, the ripples and splashes she makes while stomping through the experiential pool. And she accused fellow aspirant Ereka of employing the Big N against her in an argument, something that seems highly improbable for any number of reasons, not the least of which being Omarosa's established pattern of mendacity and the fact that the innumerable cameras on the set would have caught the utterance had it occurred. Omarosa has un major chip on her shoulder, in other words. But even without the lying and condescension, borne out of that racial chip, she's still be insufferable. She is truly a hideous creature. A sharp, jagged exterior and within a nebulous whirl, absorbing and reconstituting reality in the service of an ego that -- beneath a WASP-y and exaggeratedly genteel, haughty veneer -- desperately fears being proven wrong and, by extension, worthless, of being obliterated. .: posted by hornswaggler 12:11 PM| Thursday, April 15, 2004The ApprencticeSeason finale for the Donald tonight, though, don't worry retarded people out there with Donald separation anxiety, he will most definitely be back. I have to say I've enjoyed "The Apprentice" this year, despite Trump's self-aggrandizing ways. First off, it's refreshing to see smart, educated people on reality television. Can you imagine? Though Trump's claim that multiple people on the show had IQ's over 200 was perhaps slightly overstated. The thing that really made this show work was the fact that Trump came off as a paternal figure, tough but fair, as well likeable. Which is why, incidentally, it was a little unsettling when he and his number one hussy Caroline went off on Heidi, whose mother was being treated for colon cancer, when they fired her a month ago. There's been a lot written about how this show's timing was perfect, with the national mood in the can and the economy still not recovered, and how this show wouldn't have worked in the dot-com boom era. There's something to that theory, but I think it's been overdone. The one thing that's for certain is that, beginning with his appearance on Saturday Night Live, Donal Trump is well on the way to a major case of overexposure. Which will be a fitting end for him, undone by his own absurd narcissicism. The SNL he hosted, though it was funny when he made fun of his hair, was weak. His promo for "The Apprentice" and the Miss USA Pagaent was tacky and stupid. "The Apprentice" had an incredible buzz early on, and the trick is keeping it going without oversaturating the public a la Bennifer. But, with a second season and all the hype that will accrue to it on the way, it's clear that Trump, who had done such a great job rehabilitating his image, which was in the shitter, really, prior to this, is headed for the moment when viewers, beaten over the head with him like they always are in TV-land (remember when "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" with Regis was on ABC five nights a week), will, with a sigh of frustation and relief, tell Trump to get the fuck out of their face and change the channel. .: posted by hornswaggler 3:18 PM| Terry, we're developing a comprehensive strategy regarding that entity George W. Bush, in his first primetime press conference Tuesday evening in what seems like years, got off to rocky start when reading his prepared statement to the American people: "This has been tough weeks in that country," he began, referring obviously to Iraq, and mixing up his subject and predicate. I believe, George, that the correct way to say that would be "these have been." In the next sentence, he said, "... our military commanders report that this violence is being insticated by three groups." Insticated. Hmm. But he settled in, aided by his magically glowing tie (did you see that?), which soon began to hypnotize me. I snapped out of it when he said the following: " ... coalition forces will help Iraqis to protect their government from external aggression and internal subversion." It seemed to me he put a peculiar emphasis on "internal subversion," looking down at all the scum in press row. On that note, he rejected the idea that Iraq could turn into another Vietnam: "I think the analogy is false. I also happen to think the analogy sends the wrong message to our troops and sends the wrong message to the enemy." So remember, next time you criticize the war, you are sending messages to the troops and to the enemy. I didn't realize Bush was such a believer in morphic resonance. He almost made a huge gaffe when he said this about democracy in the Middle East and how people want to be free: "Some of the debate really centers around the fact that people don't believe Iraq can be free, that if you're Muslim, or perhaps brown-skinned, you can't be self-governing and free. I strongly disagree with that, I reject that ... " Is anyone really saying that brown-skinned people can't govern themselves? (If anyone is saying that, they're probably members of the Republican Party, just thought I'd point that out.) Wow. Luckily for him, Bush attributed that "side of the debate" to others. And honestly, I don't believe he actually thinks that. He seems pretty racially tolerant, at least on the surface. But he's too callous and not agile-minded enough to comprehend or care that his policies are tilted towards white people and tend to crush non-white people. (e.g., Live near a power plant? Tough luck, we're relaxing the rules. I'm talking here of course about environmental justice, and how the poorest people end up having to live near toxic sites, and how an inordinate portion of the poor are black and Hispanic, etc.; look at Bayview-Hunter's Point in San Francisco, for example.) Then we got the usual mumbo jumbo about how a democracy in the Middle East will ipso facto change the Middle East (is this a rehash of the Vietnam-era "Domino Theory" or what?): In re the terrorists: "Perhaps most frightening to these men and their movement, the terrorists have seen the advance of freedom and reform in the greater Middle East. A desperate enemy is also a dangerous enemy." Yep. They're desperate all right. As I said the other day, in one of the most tasteless things I've ever written (but desperate political times call for tasteless measures), the Iraqis in Fallujah intended to surrender when they hung those burned Americans from the bridge, they just couldn't find any white flags. More mumbo jumbo: "And a free Iraq is going to be a major blow for terrorism. It'll change the world. A free Iraq in the midst of the Middle East is vital to future peace and security." " ... A free Iraq in the midst of the Middle East will have incredible change." What's missing in Bush's endless circular think-speak on this issue is the HOW. How is a democratic Iraq going to increase peace and security in the Middle East, assuming Iraq will eventually stabilize, which is a big assumption. The critical how ends up being more mumbo jumbo logic. "A free society is a hopeful society," Bush said. Hope? You're basing all of this on hope? This is reality, son. These are a bunch of angry people who don't like us very much. A hopeful society is a society where, Bush said, parents can raise and educate their children, where there are jobs. That's more like it, though, again, I'm not sure what hoping and clicking your shoes together three times have to do with it. As Brecht said, "Erst das Fressen, denn das Denken." We need to nail down security in Iraq, get the oil flowing to generate revenue, clean up the sewage that's running in the streets, get people jobs, train the police (who in one story I saw linked to from Atrios actually turned on their American military counterparts during a firefight a couple weeks ago; didn't see that scary story in the daily newspapers). More circular logic on the decision to invade Iraq: "We're carrying out a decision that's already been made and will not change." Don't criticize, man. The decision was already made. By me. But that was a different me, man. See, there's been a, like, 100 percent turnover in the cells of my body. So, you'd have to go talk to that person man, but that person, like, doesn't exist anymore. Whoa. I just freaked myself out. Bush utterly dodged this question: "Mr. President, why are you and the Vice President insisting on appearing together before the 9/11 commission?": Bush: " ... because the 9/11 commission wants to ask us questions, that's why we're meeting, and I look forward to meeting with them and answering their questions." Uh, we know that's why they want you to appear before the commission, to answer questions. The reporter tried again, asking "why you're appearing together rather than separately." Bush: "Because it's a good chance for both of us to answer questions that the 9/11 commission is looking forward to asking us, and I'm looking forward to answering them." He then quickly took the next question. My opinion is that the Bush political team does not believe it is safe for Bush to go in there by himself, that he'd stumble, appear uninformed, contradict statements by others, and that they need Cheney in there so that he can keep Bush on track, prompt him, answer for him, etc. I don't really see any other explanation, when you look at, for instance, how badly Bush performed in his interview on "Meet the Press" with Tim Russert a couple months ago. Lastly, Bush unintentionally admitted that Clinton couldn't have done more than he did on Al Qaeda, even though he and his officials have been hammering Clinton for precisely that. See, that's what happens when Bush talks extemporaneously. Here is Bush talking about why he didn't go after the Taliban militarily prior to Sept. 11th: "The, frankly, mood of the world (pre-9/11) would have been astounded had the United States acted unilaterally in trying to deal with Al Qaeda in that part of the world. It would have been awfully hard to do as well, by the way. It just seemed an impractical strategy at the time and frankly I didn't contemplate it. I did contemplate a larger strategy as to how to deal with Al Qaeda ... " .: posted by hornswaggler 3:01 PM| Tuesday, April 13, 2004El PresidenteHey! Who's excited for tonight's presidential press conference? Huh, gang? I'm looking for President Bush to come out and tell it like it is, as usual. This is a time of testing, but with his leadership we will see this mission through and bestow freedom on the Iraqi people. We're already seeing so much progress. Just the other day, an Iraqi mother in the Sunni Triangle called in the military with a tip about the insurgents, displaying her dead husband's body with a Verizon picture phone. A picture phone! Can you believe it? Before Operation Iraqi Freedom, she'd have been using some crappy Cingular going, "Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?" This is only President Bush's 12th or so press conference in his entire tenure. Do you know why? Because he gets so much more done during them than his predecessors. Clinton had held about 60 or so by this time in his first term. What a waste of taxpayer money. Vice President Dick Cheney will be there as well. What I'm hearing is that the Pentagon, on the occasion of his fifth heart attack, built him a miniature Bradley tank that he'll unveil tonight. He'll drive it down the red carpet and whenever the president hits a tough spot, Cheney will pop out of the hatch wearing a helmet and say, "Wha' happened?" I also hear the president is going to start the proceedings with a little number that he performed at the correspondents dinner a couple weeks ago. You may recall that was the occasion where he did that bit where he was looking around the Oval Office for the missing weapons of mass destruction and going, "They've got to be around here somewhere." Simply uproarious. What you probably missed, due to the time constraints for the nightly newscasts, was the part later on where he was looking for the four Americans who had been captured by the insurgents in Fallujah. And he's going around, hunched over, looking for them on the ground, and the entire time they'e hanging over his head! It ... was ... hilarious. But anyway, this is the little ditty he sang, in case you missed it, which I hear he might reprise tonight: "Iraq in spring is a wonderful thing, Unless, of course, you're white, Then bring your mace just in case You run into a radical Shi'ite. The sun on the Tigris glints like gold And the sewage begins to smell. America's here, bringing good cheer, By the way, where's that oil well?" Well, I guess you had to be there, but it is a killer in person. It really brings the mosque down, if you know what I mean. Okay, listen. There have been some scary, disturbing scenes emerging from Iraq recently. But this is nothing that we didn't expect. Our enemy is desperate, they are on the ropes. Those people hanging from the bridge? The enemy was looking for white flags but they just couldn't find any! It was clearly an attempt to signal surrender. These insurgents are desperate because they know that once the transition to democratic Iraq occurs, they are finished. These people hate democracy. Especially the sub-committee meetings. Could they take ... any ... longer? Oi gevalt. We'll take care of this al-Sadr guy who's causing so much trouble and wrap things up. When we went in and shut down his newspaper, in the name of freedom, who knew it would cause such a stir? I mean, can you imagine a country in which newspapers and media outlets are allowed to spew hate-filled lies all the time? Alright, kids, I'm going to go watch Fox News for the press conference "pre-game." Enjoy the show! .: posted by hornswaggler 12:39 PM| Monday, April 05, 2004Ode to the HuskiesI lost a friendly wager with Joe Santos of Two Glasses, who is a University of Connecticut Huskies fan. UConn beat my old mother, Duke, in the Final Four, and now I've got to write something adulatory about them. It goes like this: "Emeka is big, and Emeka is tall Deng drove the lane, 'Ka pinned the ball. Okafor's parents I think are quite happy, New house on the way for mammy and pappy. He's also a scholar, a straight-A student. When a rat is mean, you might call it a "rudent." Guard Ben Gordon wears a Fumanchu And he's got more moves than Pikachu (who averaged thirty in the cartoon league), Gordon drove Duhon to the point of fatigue. Talik Brown ... didn't do all that much. Doesn't have that thing you call "shooting touch." But he got the W and that's all that matters, While Duke fans' hearts were left in tatters. Charlie Villanueva, not a good-looking guy, but he dropped in a hook like a tear from on high. No eyebrows to speak of nor hair on his head, But he'd score major poontang down at Club Med. Josh Boone looks a little like Tyrone Lue, But don't tell him that while he's playing with you, 'cause he'll bloody your face while boxing you out, get the loose ball and, heads up, call time out. Jim Calhoun enjoys the odd whiskey sour And he coaches the game like Rutger Hauer, while stalking that dude in the movie "The Hitcher," He'd be David Wells if he were a pitcher. Or what about Hauer in the film "Blade Runner"? Calhoun got a trophy back when Rip was his gunner. Now he's gunning for un trophy part deaux Their chances are good to get jug number two. With Emeka down low and Gordon up top, 'Twoud appear Tech's dreams are due to hit 'Stop.' " .: posted by hornswaggler 2:16 PM| |
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